kitten

(no subject)

.filled up my gas tank for less than $30 today!!!
.bought new songs to make a mix cd
.had rice and veggies for dinner
.my new purse came
.put away Christmas stuff (although I can see things I missed)
bleed

This girl is on fire...

Wow, this new LJ layout is weird. Hmph.

So it's 2013 and I hate to jump on the bandwagon of resolutions, but it does feel like a pretty good starting point to better my life, so I have to take advantage of that.

I'd love to reflect on 2012, but to be honest, my memory is shit now. It's actually pretty scary. I can't believe that I'm almost 27. This sounds pathetic, but I'm legitimately "getting old." It's always "my bedtime." My memory sucks and used to be awesome. My metabolism and digestive system are disappointing.

I wonder if the memory thing is a side effect of my meds. If so, I hope I feel less stupid when I go off of them. At my next appointment (in February), if I'm up for it, we're going to start decreasing dosage and get me off of them. This is super exciting; and scary. They have helped me immensely. I'm not a basketcase anymore. I feel like I can think clearly and not have a cloud of emotions--like a normal person. They have also given me crazy-ass dreams which fuck with my real life, so I look forward to that hopefully going away. I just hope I can maintain my progress sans-medication. It's a toss up. Some people just need a re-tune and they're fine. Others need it continually. So I guess we'll see. I'll have to deal, regardless of what happens, so no sense focusing on it.

Semi-related, my psychiatrist had me do bloodwork recently and didn't really find anything. So me getting fat = me getting old. That sucks and it's a reality I have to deal with. I'm worried I'm not gonna fit into the dress for my sister's wedding now, so my goal is to lose 20 pounds by May. I try not to be a weight-focused person, but I'm not so happy with myself now, and that IS important. Also, health in general. Eating REAL food, HEALTHY food and exercising will be a benefit across the board, so I don't really want to say I'm on a diet, but I definitely need to be more responsible/conscious. I now have a TV in my craft room, so that should help the fitness situation, hopefully.

Another thing I plan to crack down on is $$. I've created a budget for us. We're only one day in, but so far, so good. We take out $X in cash for gas, food, fun, etc. The rest stays in the bank for bills. And that's it. When our allotted cash is gone, too damn bad. We've gotten ourselves in trouble by living beyond our means. But our back-up plans have outrun their course and we have to make a change. Don't want to run into anymore embarassing situations like we did this year.

I could say a ton more, but I'm really tired. Maybe I'll start writing more?
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